Grouper

And maybe that sufice

  • if you dont give a damn
  • if you dont love back.
  • then i wont love back.
and if you call
Grouper

Hi, it's the tenth obviously. I'm doing online school now, we never ended up going back, I rly hate it and I'm procrastinating work rn but it's okay cause I like to hear the crispy keys clack clack clacking. Oh yeah did I mention that I have a couple of friends now, so I'm not that lonely anymore... I did my nails and they look rly pretty, I keep looking at them :)) I don't know what to say, nothing interesting has happened. I feel like writing a paragraph bt like about what?? my life is so boring especially now- But it's okay everything is fine. Oh yeah and I never told that guy that I liked him even though I wanted to cause we may not be back in person for a while and he's graduating next year so but like I don't really like honestly I just forcing it cause I just so very bored. Bro my hand(s) look so nice rn I can't stop looking at them. Oh yeah and I finished that book I was reading, I'm thinking of ending things and I also started reading these I mean watching these videos on youtube called video essays and they’re so good and interesting and long so I'm preoccupied for long times. I am the most disgusting person I've ever met. Sorry, I'm sick and don't like any sort of bodily functions. My iron is low, I have to take that. I'm gonna make that like a reminder thing in my little checklist on this thing. I'm gonna go read some old paragraphs of mine on here and make myself uncomfortable, I probably will be back. Ok I just stoped on the 9th week and looking back on this I realize that all of my obsessive behaviour started before quarantine, I know this and it's not an old thing I actually just recently remembered this happening but I feel like I really just sunk into my skin. So wait There is no excuse?? I thought I was like this and I had a good reason for being so obsessive over him 3 years ago but now I remember some thoughts of mine and I can't fucking belive it> Do i ahe a problem?? Am I like exhibiting serous signs of mental health issues?? Or was I?? cause I don't feel like thin anymore but I cantbhelp but think that this was all me and I have no excuse for anything anymore and Im just like fuckigng linsane or something what is wrong with me I don't know why te fuck I liked him so much wat I wrong with me I feel bad for him why was I like that?? Mayeb it was only because he was the first person that thought could maybe like have a 1 percent chance of liking me even though they haven't spoken to me. Maybe I was crazy, I mean I t doesn't seem so far fetched now remembering my behaviour around then but like what?? I don't like him anymore, I ahvnt liked anyone to the pointof obsession since about two and a half years ago, but that's also a problem for me. Did I waste all my” love” on him? Di he take all of my love away from me?? It couldn't have been love the way It was you cant evnen love someone at such a young age right? there is no may but maybe? I cant help but think right, but anyone in their right mind would feel the same. Nobody in their right mind would think the same thoughts I do and not find it wrong until it's over and I'm looking back at it. That wasn't love that was obsession I got It wrong, and I amtured way to early for my own good so maybe that had something todo with all those emotions I had felt.

Heading

29th Hi I'm back and we have a supply for french class, I'm not gonna do like any of the work. I’ve had my jacket on all day cause my shirt is exposing me today. Also, I said [REDACTED] looks like [REDACTED] now I think [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] are ignoring me DJHSIKJSHAHB. We have this project for french and it's like you get to design your dream house and it's honestly pretty fun but kinda boring. Hey I'm back, we switched classes really quick cause the window is getting replaced cause some kid threw a big thing of ice at it. It was in Hines's class, not ours btw. But anyway, still got the window seat at the back. Got asked what I was writing 😨 Had to close the tab real quick. I like the shirt I'm wearing. I just read through like 4 weeks’ worth of entries on this and remember the essay and presentation I was trying to write? I finished it obvi and I got like a 78% written and 77% oral. Pretty marks, like a B+. 30th Hi. Im very bored and I don't know what to do in my life right now, Im also writing veryslow no mistakes are being made in this entry right now. Except for when I was writing “this” I got a little confused there. Omg I was writing without looking at my keys yay yayyyaya Well actually I still am but I mean now and then I am peeking at my keys ngl. K done now that was very hard. I think that its just the confidence that I have withlooking down cause most of the time I'm barely even looking at what I'm presing. Its before lunch btw, oh and most of the time I am taking little like 5-15 min breaks between my sentences. I feel like I should mention that I'm not writing all of this within the span of five minutes. I hate going upstairs for french, the table we’re at is so small and cramped, I don't know how the kids in the morning do it there. Im so sad, dn’know why tho. I hope we have [REDACTED] today, his class is like a french break, I never speak french unless speaking to him directly. I love this song. today, his class is like a french break, I never speak french unless speaking to him directly. I love this song 31st can't type much, 1:47 pm I was a lot late for french cause spent o much time at home. Its 16 degrees today. My hair is all ugly oh yeah I told him I like him yesterday after last recess, I put a note in his pocket. Havent madeeye contact or looked at him since lol, didn't say anything about it though so Iot regected, don't even know if he opened it. Damn I ant belive I told him ngl, itsbeen like a year and a halfor two I don't know. I wasted so much brain energy. What if eh didn't o[en the note an he doesn't know that I like his nd then he just ahhh then I level and he never knew bro I don't wanna bother him more but like I wanna knowwqwnqenwdnwihejhwjeh I need to know broekfwdvnjaahhahhahh 1st Uh I had a dream of him I'm so sick of liking him now, you'd think id be over him by now cause like I got rejected and I'm pretty sure he opened it after thinking ing for like five minutes. even in my dream he's all distant maybe cause I have no clue who he is HDKJ Anyway I found this path behind the park with the one swing yesterday while I was galavanting, I was only supposed to go on a walk but I accidently took like and hour and a bit idk wasn't checking my phone. Anyway I was looking for thepath I took with quinn when I was like 7, shes in like college now btw. Yeah I was looking for it then I found this path inwas super muddy my shoes are destroyed but there's water back there I feel like this is common knowledge for anyone except me like who lives in the area. But yeah its like wet lands and marsh lands whatever its called, but its a got reading place so I'm gonna go back touknow like read. I late today, woke up at like um 8:43 but it was really 8:40 cause clock is busted, srsly as soon as I wake up I have to do math because of my busted asss clock. The water rose super high by the beach yesterday, it was like splashing right oer the barrier a the front. JDUHyUJAHAHDxhJASHsjHABHhdhshfgahjshfbiucfbsidhgienfiasjdfafhoshebsdhcbahygfrachwkjufhbffakurhuefbsfgzghahff tb fyhnbvytdfrhmhgkhyvgvvjfgtchliuyuygghmh 3rd I dropped my phone in the toilet and now the volume is not working 5th doing work 29th Hello, just did a test and now I am writing here. I wish I was by my window, I am sitting with [REDACTED] but I don't wanna move from here cause I’m like really lazy, think I'm gonna go out for lunch cause I wanna go to the park. That’s all I’ve been doing lately, going to the park, literally I just go on walks to the park down the street to the right with the swing. I don't even really go to the back of the park where the water is either anymore, got bored of it. But swings are real fun, where we’re moving there's this park down the street that has like two sets of swings :)))))) I’m rly bored rn, don't know if I'm going alone or if anyone isis gonna come with me. 6th I finally updated my home page and journal page and stuff I also have this newfound liking to grouper out of nowhere, I'm tired and don't wanna write goodnight. Never mind, I am sitting here in the dark and I feel down for some reason, I want to talk to someone. Like have a real conversation with someone, maybe I can pretend they're here. I am really starting to hate everyone I'm around, I don't know why just are. I hate my school friends, they’re so annoying, except [REDACTED]. I think my boobs got bigger, they feel bigger. Maybe it's cause I'm wearing a real bra for once in my life. I swear I have to give myself half a pep talk just to wear a real bra to school instead of a sports bra. I'm useless. I’m so lonely, I mean I like being alone but I hate being lonely, like having no one to talk to. I wish I had someone to talk to. I’m so tired of everything now, I don't even feel like moving is a very big deal to me anymore. It should be, I know. But it's just not. It was a first but then when I got over the initial shock, I just kinda accepted it and moved on. Every day is just going by slowly but surely, and I'm just passing time. I think I really need to start properly taking my Iron, think it's screwing with my head. My computer is at like five percent but I can't get up, I'm too comfortable and tired, and I know if I get up I'll lose my train of thought. I'm over the school crush now finally btw, I realized I was crazy and delusional, well not really realized, but more like accepted. How did it drop to two so fast, has it really been that long? No way in hell it's been ten minutes. when I get up I'm gonna go to the bathroom too ya know. Okay, I'm getting up now I swear. Okay hello, I'm back now. I swear I've been in my room all day. I feel like a big ol disappointment, mom doesn't even really get mad at me that often anymore. I think she's finally giving up. Not long ago she gave me a speech about how selfish it is to stay in my room all day when I felt like shit and was having a panic attack or a breakdown or something she told me about how selfish I am. I know I really deserved it, and I am selfish now that I understand where she is coming from, but I really didn't need that. And when she said she won't comfort me because I have a victim complex and she said she can't stand it. I can't remember when she hugged me or something while I was having a hard time, instead telling me to get over it. But that's just my absolutely horrible memory and my victim complex, that's probably not true I'm lying, she's a great mother and I really am lucky to have her here in my life. I'm really sad though, I really am. I think I'm crying r something. It's eleven-eleven make a wish. I would g to sleep but mom is being loud with her high-pitched voice, idk why she's so loud. I wish she would shut up, I can't sleep like this. I updated the photos and changed the weather widget to clock and dark mode. Goodnight I love you.